GHWP Live Tweet Sept.11, 2015 - Spectreman

Episode Selections:
48 - Bobby, Don't Become a Monster
49 - Tragic Genius Monster Noman

     That first one almost sounds like a song by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods. Anyway, this week, a medical scientist named Dr. Diamond is experimenting with a new brain stimulant drug. The experiment appears to be a success when first tested on a Scottish terrier named Bobby, and the newspaper reports make their rounds. Very early in the story, things start to get a little bit touchy and difficult as we are introduced to a lovable dimwit named Sandy who works as a delivery boy at a local restaurant. This is a tough one because Sandy is portrayed more like Mongo from Blazing Saddles than a realistic person with a low IQ or a mental disorder. Sandy is cartoonish and stereotypical, but it's hard for me to make fun of him simply for what he is supposed to represent: a downtrodden and goodhearted soul who was dealt a different card in life than most of us.

     The restaurant owner's wife argues that the experiment is a waste of time and that we should "let morons be morons" because intelligent people need dumb labor to clean up their messes for them. Of course, we expect that sort of behavior from people with privilege because of the golden rule in television shows like this: people suck. Sandy overhears the discussion and is immediately excited, as anyone with his childlike mind would be. He thinks there is a miracle cure out there for his lack of mental acuity, and he skips out on work, joyously running down the street as the local children chant "Sandy Sandy No Brains" at him. People really suck.

     And this time, we get to see just how everyone sucks, even our staple cast of heroes at the Pollution G-Man Bureau. It turns out that the restaurant where Sandy works is a favorite lunch spot for the Bureau, and Sandy delivers their take-out orders. The Bureau men laugh and chastise Sandy for getting their noodle orders wrong and for trying to count how much they owe him on his hands. George, of course, is the only one that doesn't take part in the ridicule, but he doesn't do anything to stop the bullying either. Damn it, George, you know people suck, but you just go on keeping that low profile of yours so you don't threaten the theme song lyrics.

     When the Bureau finds out that Sandy is unusually happy because he has heard about the brain stimulant experiments, they decide that the procedure is worth investigating, and they meet Bobby the Scottish terrier, the test subject dog that is now capable of doing Algebra.

A squared plus B squared equals Snausages?

     It turns out that Dr. Diamond truly had discovered a breakthrough in medical science, but the vain and jealous Dr. Gori can't stand the fact that a human came up with such an idea instead of him and is determined to make sure the world never knows it. Assaulting Dr. Diamond in the middle of the night, Gori implants a mind control device on the doctor's neck, altering his mind without his knowledge and forcing him to make devastating alterations to the brain stimulant formula. Sandy goes through surgery as the first human test subject for the brain stimulant, and the results are miraculous. Sandy's IQ gets such a boost that he immediately becomes a doctor, putting forth papers and theories that promise to help medical science jump ahead years, but he takes the time to deliver food the the G-Men one last time to show his bullies he has no hard feelings. Sandy and Bobby also become fast friends as Sandy becomes one of Dr. Diamond's colleagues overnight, but something is wrong. Bobby begins to grow aggressive and develop an insatiable appetite for raw meat. I'm pretty sure he eats a nurse, and he soon mutates into a giant monster.

When this guy needs to go walkies, you'd better not make him wait.

     Sandy tries to reason with Bobby and calm him down, but George is afraid that Sandy is going to get himself killed. George slips away from his G-Men comrades and transforms into Spectreman, and Sandy pleads with the hero not to hurt the monster. The battle, however, is a short one. Through either bad editing for the English dubbed version or the implication that Bobby's mutant form was highly unstable, Spectreman doesn't even have to deliver a killing blow. Bobby simply collapses on the medical facility and dies. The threat, however, is far from over because now Sandy believes that the formula could eventually cause him to turn into a monster as well.

     The G-Men have a difficult investigation ahead of them as they try to find out just how the brain stimulant formula went wrong, and Sandy is racing against an invisible clock to do as much as he can for the good of mankind with his intelligence. Will they find out about Dr. Gori's interference? Will Sandy be able to avoid Bobby's terrible fate? Will the human race learn to stop sucking and start being kind and caring toward one another? I wouldn't look forward to a good answer on that last question, but you'll find out how everything else goes when you tune in to #GHWP Friday night at 12:45PM EST. (Note: start time subject to be pushed ahead to 1AM EST or later depending on the run time of #BMovieManiacs so stay tuned.)